Couples Therapy
Improve communication and intimacy, and deepen your understanding of each other.
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“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
- James Baldwin
So you want to begin couples therapy...
Many people begin couples therapy with the private (or not-so-private) hope that the therapist will referee their debates and declare one person to be right, and the other, patently wrong.
Some firmly believe that their partner is the only one who needs to change or be introspective, implying they have no role in the dynamic.
These are subtle black-and-white notions of innocence and offence, right and wrong, good or bad.
While straightforward and uncomplicated, none of these sentiments serve the pursuit of love and deep connection.
With remarkable consistency, if you ask a couple about their experience of the relationship, you will get two different answers.
Is it because one is definitively right and the other wrong? NO.
But rather, each perspective offers a valid window into what each person feels beyond what is being said.
When we’re curious about the discrepancy between each partner’s viewpoint we can gain a deeper understanding of each partner’s needs, the pros and cons of the relationship dynamic, and the nature of your attachment.
Mutual understanding is the basis of deep connection. Adding depth to your understanding of each other’s inner world can enhance communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution, and that’s what we’ll pursue in couples therapy.
"We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship"
- Harville Hendricks
But when repeated efforts to resolve these issues have failed, couples therapy can help.
A good course of couples therapy is often the result of two people committing to knowing themselves and the other person with greater depth.
Rather than taking sides, as your therapist, we will be on the side of your relationship, helping each of you learn, grow, and confront the dynamics that keep you stuck in cycles of conflict.
“Do you want to be right, or do you want to be in relationship? Because you can’t always have both. You can’t cuddle up and relax with “being right” after a long day.”
- Harville Hendricks
First, we’ll meet for an initial consultation for about 80 minutes, during which we’ll discuss your main reasons for beginning therapy. We’ll also discuss the history of your relationship, including how you met and what initially attracted you to each other.
Next, we’ll have a single individual session with each partner to get better acquainted, learn about your personal histories, and hear your perspective on the issues in your relationship.
Then, we’ll meet again, all together, to discuss what we’ve learned and chart our course forward.
